Profanity - Is It necessary?

I'll be honest, I don't like swearing. It's just not for me. But sometimes it does slip out. oops. When it comes out by accident, it can be really funny. For instance, my daughter and I were driving down the road and we saw a police had pulled someone over and was in the process of writing them a ticket. I started to say, "I bet they're just kicking themselves." But in my mind the word "shooting" was also there. So, of course, something else came out that combined the two words. It started with "sh" took on the vowel sound of "i" and finished with "ting". My daughter's eyes bugged out and I thought she wouldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day. (I must admit that I was right there with her.) Funny, funny, funny.

I honestly don't mind if other people swear. It really doesn't bother me until they drop the "f bomb" or take the Lord's name in vain. That is what I find offensive. In fact, after my nephew read my first book (he is one of my alpha readers), he said to me, "How in the he__ did you think of this? Holy sh__ your characters have cool powers." hahahahaha  So funny!

Stephen King in his book "On Writing" stated that in order to make credible and believable characters, you have to have them in their setting by talking like them, dressing like them and acting like them, even if that's opposite of how you personally are. (Think sophisticated, high society lady and how she would talk, dress and act and put her as a fisherman in the ocean, hauling in nets of fish, gutting them, being smelly etc. It doesn't fit.) But I still struggle with saying the words that I find truly offensive. And let's face it, most "bad guys" don't have clean language.

Here's my dilemma - how can I have my "bad guys" swear in my books without having underlines to finish spelling the words that I can't force myself to say, even if it's in character? Aauuggghhhh!!!!!

So here's what I did - I made up my own world, it is a fantasy afterall, and I've come up with my own form of swear words. How could I possibly be offended with "motherless donkey" or "Holy shades of heaven" or "you dog-licking..." or "sour goat's milk in a bottle"? You get the picture. And you know what? It's been really fun. Who knew swearing could be so entertaining?

Just remember that if you see me walking down the street and I stub my toe on a rock, don't be surprised if you hear a stream of profanity spilling from my lips. It would probably sound something like this - "Why you baby drooling piece of horse dropping, what the rancid piece of bacon do you think you're doing?" Just don't wash my mouth out with soap. That stuff tastes like curdled dog vomit. See? Fun, huh?